5 Movies Radically Improved by Including a Drag Queen

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Ok Hollywood, this is the deal. I noticed you’ve been doing lots of sequels and reboots lately, which I don’t mind. It’s good to really work source material until it’s completely mined out to the detriment of the original, I mean just look at what you did to Jurassic Park! So here are 5 movies you could gritty-reboot by simply adding a drag queen. 

You’re welcome.

Die Hard 6: ‘Sisco!

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John McClane (Bruce Willis) is at it again! When Hans Gruber’s cousin threatens to re-route the American Postal system over Christmas,  John must team up with the sassy Pussy Go-Lightly (Alfred Molina) to take him down. He’s only got 24 hours to stop the terrorists, learn the steps for the Disco Diva show… and find love.

Armageddon 2: Againageddon

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With the world safe from space rocks, famous director Ben Affleck can finally settle down with his elf queen. But N.A.S.A. has discovered another asteroid, bigger than the last! So the President of the USA, Busty Rhymes (Morgan Freeman), asks the team to go back into space to again fight space rocks.

Aliens vs Predator vs Drag Queens

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When a spacecraft crashes outside a nightclub all hell breaks loose! It’s up to the new dancer, Sashay Divine (Jason Statham), to get the survivors out and keep all the aliens in. 

King Ralph 2: The Queens

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When King Ralph is found dead of an inevitable heart attack it’s up to the genealogists to find the next crazy monarch. Pixie Minx (Danny DeVito) had no idea she was in line for the throne and when her twin sister, Fierce (Arnold Schwarzenegger) appears, you know things are going to get a little crazy. Let’s just say the Corgi’s aren’t going to be the only bitches in the palace this summer!

Serenity 2: Serenity Now

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With everything seemingly wrapped up beautifully by the end of the previous movie, Mal and the crazy crew of Serenity are back, because DVD sales are a reason to allow creative work to continue (no judgement, Fox.) Sparks are flying between the still grieving Zoe and their new pilot, Washette (Alan Tudyk, because why not?), until they get trapped together in an Alliance-friendly bar on Unification Day. The ‘verse will never be the same.

Now obviously some of those actors I’ve suggested may not wish to be involved in these blockbuster motion pictures and if that’s the case I am more than ready to step in and give it my all.

You’re welcome xoxo

-Liez A’Plenty

 

If you like Drag Queens making appearances then keep an eye out for Liez A’Plenty in her new show Cornucopia of Liez as part of Crack Theatre Festival.

Marvellously Done, Thanks Everyone!

Marvellous Scandal: This Queen’s High Tea was super fun!

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Sure was!

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Huge thank you to everyone who worked to make Marvellous Scandal: This Queen’s High Tea such a smashing success. We raised lots of money for Liez A’Plenty’s new show Cornucopia of Liez and she’s super grateful, aren’t you Liez?

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Sure am!

See?

Much love,

The Sexy Tales team.

Here is a sloth for all your trouble.

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Thanks everyone!

Name the Queens!

Here are ten Queens. Name them all on the facebook event page for Marvellous Scandal: This Queen’s High Tea and nice things will happen. Huzzah! Nice things!

Extra points for guessing which ones are high!

1.

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2.

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3.

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4.

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5.

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6.

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7.

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8.

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9.

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10.

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First one to get all ten wins FREE Emma Rafflety Memorial Raffle tickets.

Emma Rafflety Memorial Raffle

As regular Marvellous Scandalers know we always have a raffle in memory of the first time we had a raffle.

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But this time we have been super lucky with donations from the most fabulous of places. Third prize are some tickets to be used at the Dendy Cinema. Yay!

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Second prize is two tickets to the flicks AND a beautifully crafted individual piece from our friends at The Museum Of Small Things. Seriously!

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Not actual prize but isn’t it purrdy?

But Sexy Tales, I hear you ask, is there a first prize? Surely with such an amazing third and second there is no room for a first?

Well that’s two questions, I’d like to answer the second one first. Yes there is still room for a first prize and don’t call me Shirley.

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And to answer your first question we have been blessed with such a first prize your eyes will melt if you see it in all it’s glory. Like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark look away unless you want a melty face…

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ARRRGHHH, MY EYES!

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Many thanks to T2 in Newtown for the amazing first prize. When I need tea, that’s where I go.

All raffle tickets are sold on the night so when you get there buy them up quick, they is sure to sell like very very warm cakes that sell well.

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Tickets are $2 each     or          3 for $5        or          10 for $10

Good luck

The scoop, the skinny, the low down: the dress code

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You might be wondering, rudely, and in the form of a question: “Hey, doofus, what am I supposed to wear to Marvellous Scandal: This Queen’s High Tea?” And, you’d be right to do so. I am a doofus and you have nothing, simply nothing, to wear. Here’s a quick list of ideas to get you started.

When in doubt: HATS.

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Hats are really good for tea parties, especially if they are bigger than some cars:

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Or you could go for something more… mad?

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Something a little… wild?

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Or try channelling Jay Gatsby in front of a bunch of big cakes:

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Or, borrow your style from everyone’s favourite hostess, Kirsten Dunst:

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Everything’s better with dogs! But there are no dogs allowed at the venue. We know this for a fact! Maybe you could dress as a dog!

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Or don a dressy two-piece:

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Perhaps you might like to wear a garland. Also known as a flower crown: crowns/queens/tea/whatever/eh? eh?

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At the very least put on a nice floral

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It’ll be a lovely homage to your nan’s old lounge

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And anyone who turns up wearing a tiara wins a kiss from Liez:

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Dressing up isn’t mandatory, but fun is! And if dressing as a puppy in paper crown isn’t fun, I don’t know what is.

Announcing Performers for Marvellous Scandal: This Queen’s High Tea

Performers, assemble!

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The call out for performers has had an amazing response and we’re so lucky to know all these talented people willing to donate their strange delicious art to the cause. All these performers and more will be appearing at Marvellous Scandal: This Queen’s High Tea next Friday, which is only a week away…(https://www.facebook.com/events/359438830825255/)

So with no further ado, here they are…

Betty and Oswald

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Folk-gypsy duo Betty & Oswald are the sound of a shadowy alley in a nameless distant city, where you once fell in love, lost all your possessions and danced with tall, dark strangers. It is the music that comes from the pavement beneath your feet, filling the warm night air. They make you want to drink red wine, ramble beneath the moonless sky and slip back into a time that you never even knew you were nostalgic for.

Anna Chase

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Anna Chase is an actress and theatre-maker. Chase has a strong theatrical aesthetic to her work, transforming herself into peculiar, distinctive and at times grotesque characters by combining prosthetics, makeup, physicality & costume. She performed recently with the Deep Sea Astronauts in ‘Mermaid Teeth’ at Bondi Feast. Chase is performing with Sexy Tales Comedy in ‘Cornucopia of Liez’ at Crack Theatre in TINA later this year and ‘Jerusalem’ at New Theatre.

Chase’s new piece to be performed in ‘Marvellous Scandal: This Queen’s High Tea,’ is a glimpse into the character Queen Tamora’s hallucinogenic nightmare from Shakespeare’s play ‘Titus Andronicus’. It is a surreal, dreamlike piece, in which she plays a disturbed, corrupted and bent Tamora – who violently struggles with her purer and more human instincts.

Jane Grimley

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Jane makes theatre and live art. She is a collaborative performance maker, sometimes director and curator.  She feels constantly seduced to play, push and poke fun at the performer-audience relationship. She likes to explore the intimate and the taboo within her solo work, and collaborate adventurously with other artists.

Zoe and Penny

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Zoe and Penny will be performing a sketch from their upcoming Sydney Fringe show, Zoe and Penny’s Very Short Attention Span.  Their show is on at the Factory Theatre in September / October and will probably feature this sketch, if you like it.  They hope you like it.

April Smallwood

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April has been a singer/songwriter all her life, she just didn’t always know that. Her smooth and smoky sound has gathered her a strong support group who meet anonymously in church halls and other venues. She is best served with lamb or veal.

Bastian Fox Phelan

Bastian Fox Phelan is Gladys Thong, Dusty Springfield’s incognito stage name from the 60s. She’s a real sweetie and sings with just the right amount of Dusty’s smoky soulful magic.

Out of Dusty drag, Bastian is a writer, zine maker and vocalist for new band Moonsign:www.moonsign.bandcamp.com

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The night will once again be hosted by the unflappable slapper Liez A’Plenty

Life is a canyon, baby, and I'm a SEX RAFT.

Life is a canyon, baby, and I’m a SEX RAFT.

 who, by the way, knows where you live.

There may also be a surprise appearance by the award winning Jack Bourke, Australia’s James Bond.

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Who also knows where you live.

See you there chickadees

Competition* Time!

*not really a competition, but still!

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At work? Already on the TwitterBook and looking for some fun? Well here is your chance to be immortalised as part of a crack new writing team. We are doing some filming of a fake news program and we need headlines. That’s right, you too can write news headlines! Keep it snappy and fun and if it gets used as part of our More @ Ten program you WILL be credited as part of the writing team. In the credits!

But how? That’s even easier than thinking of them!

Jump onto Twitter and post them using #sexyheadlines

OR (for a longer headline)

Simply pop onto our Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/sexytalescomedy?ref=hl and post it on the wall.

More @ Ten will be premiered at Marvellous Scandal: This Queen’s High Tea https://www.facebook.com/events/359438830825255/

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And so, dear Internet, I say bring it on.