Ok Hollywood, this is the deal. I noticed you’ve been doing lots of sequels and reboots lately, which I don’t mind. It’s good to really work source material until it’s completely mined out to the detriment of the original, I mean just look at what you did to Jurassic Park! So here are 5 movies you could gritty-reboot by simply adding a drag queen.
Die Hard 6: ‘Sisco!
John McClane (Bruce Willis) is at it again! When Hans Gruber’s cousin threatens to re-route the American Postal system over Christmas, John must team up with the sassy Pussy Go-Lightly (Alfred Molina) to take him down. He’s only got 24 hours to stop the terrorists, learn the steps for the Disco Diva show… and find love.
Armageddon 2: Againageddon
With the world safe from space rocks, famous director Ben Affleck can finally settle down with his elf queen. But N.A.S.A. has discovered another asteroid, bigger than the last! So the President of the USA, Busty Rhymes (Morgan Freeman), asks the team to go back into space to again fight space rocks.
Aliens vs Predator vs Drag Queens
When a spacecraft crashes outside a nightclub all hell breaks loose! It’s up to the new dancer, Sashay Divine (Jason Statham), to get the survivors out and keep all the aliens in.
King Ralph 2: The Queens
When King Ralph is found dead of an inevitable heart attack it’s up to the genealogists to find the next crazy monarch. Pixie Minx (Danny DeVito) had no idea she was in line for the throne and when her twin sister, Fierce (Arnold Schwarzenegger) appears, you know things are going to get a little crazy. Let’s just say the Corgi’s aren’t going to be the only bitches in the palace this summer!
Serenity 2: Serenity Now
With everything seemingly wrapped up beautifully by the end of the previous movie, Mal and the crazy crew of Serenity are back, because DVD sales are a reason to allow creative work to continue (no judgement, Fox.) Sparks are flying between the still grieving Zoe and their new pilot, Washette (Alan Tudyk, because why not?), until they get trapped together in an Alliance-friendly bar on Unification Day. The ‘verse will never be the same.
Now obviously some of those actors I’ve suggested may not wish to be involved in these blockbuster motion pictures and if that’s the case I am more than ready to step in and give it my all.
You’re welcome xoxo
If you like Drag Queens making appearances then keep an eye out for Liez A’Plenty in her new show Cornucopia of Liez as part of Crack Theatre Festival.